Closure Won’t Save You: Healing Without the Answers You Crave
Letting Go of the Need to Understand Everything
For the longest time, two questions consumed me: What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be? I asked them so often that I forgot to actually live the life unfolding in front of me. It wasn’t just occasional overthinking—it was an obsession, this relentless need for certainty. I convinced myself that if I could just know for sure, I’d finally be able to move forward.
Then life unraveled. After being cheated on and going through my divorce, I became fixated on finding answers. If I could just understand why, maybe I could make peace with it. So I kept searching, kept asking—some questions aimed at him, some at myself. I thought closure meant collecting every missing piece, constructing a story that made sense. But every answer only cut deeper, and no explanation could undo what had already been done. And that’s when I learned something that changed me: Closure isn’t about answers. It’s about acceptance.
Uncertainty used to be unbearable. If I didn’t have an answer, I’d create one. I would fill in the gaps with stories—even if they weren’t true—because anything felt better than sitting in the unknown. I’ve always been a person who asks questions. It’s in my nature. But one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that some questions don’t have answers, and some answers don’t change a damn thing. Not knowing used to feel like drowning. Now, I’m learning to float.
Four years ago, I thought I knew exactly how my life was going to unfold. I had a plan, a future I believed in. And then that life disappeared. At the time, I was desperate to understand why. But looking back now, seeing where I am, what I’ve built, who I’ve become—I’m so grateful I never got the answers I was searching for. If I had stayed stuck in my need for closure, I might have stayed stuck in the pain, in the same cycles, with the same people, in the same patterns that no longer served me. Not knowing set me free.
Reframing Closure & Embracing the Unknown
If you’re struggling with the "whys" and "what ifs," ask yourself:
Is closure something that will actually help me heal, or is it just another way I’m trying to hold on?
Am I looking for answers, or am I looking for an excuse to stay stuck?
What if I never get an answer? Can I still move forward?
Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is let go of the need to know.
I won’t pretend it’s easy. But I will say this: The unknown isn’t always something to fear. It’s space for something new to grow.
I no longer need to have every answer. I no longer need to control every outcome. Instead, I’m learning to trust the process.
And that trust? It’s given me more peace than certainty ever did.
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