Reflections On Loneliness: Finding Belonging In December’s Chill
The Other Side of Holiday Cheer
December in the U.S. has always felt like a season I couldn’t fully belong to.
The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy and togetherness. But for me — and many others — it hasn’t always felt that way. Growing up in Brazil, the holidays meant something entirely different. They were sunny, vibrant days spent lounging by the beach, eating barbecues with family, and soaking in the best of summer. Moving to the U.S. at a young age, I lost that familiar warmth — both literal and figurative.
In the States, December is cold, and the holidays feel quieter, lonelier. Over time, I got used to spending them alone or with friends, but even those moments didn’t bring the same “holiday feeling.” The contrast was stark: in Brazil, the holidays were alive, a celebration of summer’s glory.
Here, the darkness and cold often made me feel like I was chasing something I couldn’t find.
For years, I avoided spending the holidays with family. I told myself it was because I was too busy or couldn’t afford to travel, but the truth ran deeper. I didn’t want to face the uncomfortable conversations. My mother, still in Brazil, would comment on my weight, my choices, or my lifestyle. My father’s side of the family made me feel like I wasn’t accomplished enough to show up. It was easier to disappear than to sit in a room where I felt like a disappointment.
This year feels different. I’ve been working to rebuild my relationship with my family, to see them not as judges of my life but as people I can connect with. I’m learning to cope with the emotions the holidays bring. It’s not always easy, but I remind myself to focus on the connections that matter. FaceTime with family, long talks with old friends, and quiet moments with my pets help me stay grounded.
As a therapist, I see how layered the holidays can be for others too. For some clients, it’s a time of joy and celebration, especially for kids and teens looking forward to rewards after a long year of school. For others, it’s a time of loss, loneliness, or unmet expectations. I am mindful of how I approach the holidays in my work. I aim to meet each person where they are — grieving, celebrating, or just trying to get by.
If this season feels hard for you, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay if it doesn’t feel magical. It’s okay if the holidays are just another day, or even a day you’d rather skip. What matters is finding small moments that bring you comfort. Whether that’s a call with a loved one, time spent with a pet, or simply permitting yourself to rest, those moments are enough.
Sometimes, healing doesn’t look like grand celebrations. Sometimes, it’s simply being gentle with yourself.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected or overwhelmed by the holidays, you’re not alone. Share your thoughts in the comments, or reach out to connect. Let’s keep the conversation going and support each other through this season.
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